Black Bag is a unseasoned multi layered shish kebab of deception, manipulation, and some seriously fucked-up relationship issues.

We follow George Woodhouse (Michael Fassbender), an unbelievably polished actor who has mastered the art of looking like he’ll kill you without hesitation. In this upbeat, fast-paced “Knives Out type mystery” filled with the usual “who did what, where, and how”—but this time, it’s not the butler in the kitchen (though there is a steak knife involved). The objective? Who’s pulling the strings behind the scenes. Someone has stolen software that can apparently melt down a reactor core from the inside (because we’ve definitely never heard that plot before, right?) and that someone may be working with the intelligence agency. Gasp.

First guess? It’s Kathryn St. Jean (Cate Blanchett), a strong-willed “don’t fuck with me, unless I allow it” woman in a seat of power within the agency, oh and also? Georges wife. If I’m being honest, I couldn’t tell you exactly what she does, because we get a three-second dialogue saying she’s the head of CSI… as if that should mean something to me as a viewer. But hey, in a government operation riddled with secrecy, lies, and redactions, why would we need clarity? Anyway, moving on. Kathryn, along with four other suspects, is handed over to George as a potential thief of the software, which may be sold or given to a militant group in Zurich.

Conveniently, the source who provided this intel to George is soon taken out of the picture (thanks for the tip, I guess).

Our four other contestants in this convoluted mystery are:

• Freddie Smalls (Tom Burke), the “shit for brains” character who exists only to push the narrative forward for another character.
• Clarissa Dubose (Marisa Abela), the trendy and “hip” character whose dialogue ensures we know she’s young and speaks her mind at all times. While Clarissa came off as impulsively immature and superfluous, she played her part well.
• Col. James Stokes (Regé-Jean Page), the full-of-himself “bad guy,” driven by whatever self-massaging device was stroking his ego.
• Dr. Zoe Vaughan (Naomie Harris), the company psychologist who I can only describe as a pawn in her own game.

A selective dinner is held, followed by a short game (these guys love games, let me tell you) of “let’s see how much the person next to me hates me” after the meal. Things quickly get… out of hand (you’ll get the pun). This is where George goes full Sherlock Holmes, sniffing out every little pungent detail in everyone’s lives to get what he wants: to stop the agency from eyeing his wife as the prime suspect in this game of cat and mouse. Favors were asked, lives were destroyed, but in the end, this strange, power-dynamic marriage somehow works out perfectly—because, in Clarissa’s words, they’re “made for each other.”

Tough luck, Arthur Stieglitz (Pierce Brosnan). You would’ve gotten away with it if you hadn’t tried to set up someone who’s an infamous, undeterred intelligence agent whose job is… finding liars. Maybe you should’ve thought this plan through a bit better.

As for the core plot, the catastrophic event that could have occurred if this software had fallen into the wrong hands was questionable at best. It was vaguely justified by saying it would have “ended the war,” but how exactly did we get there, Chief? Eventually within the movie itself, it was outright rejected as no longer important—but hey, at least we finally get a film where a character doesn’t yell “ENHANCE” at a green-screened computer.

Acting? Nothing to discuss there. This is a seasoned ensemble of actors who know exactly what they’re supposed to do—and they do it well.

All in all, Black Bag is a fun watch but ultimately feels rushed and choppy, lacking a clear sense of whether any of this was truly a dire situation. If you enjoy modern crime mysteries with an echo of Concerto Grosso No. 8 in G Minor softly whispering in your ear when shit hits the fan, and bits of information that feel more like TV installments rather than a fully fleshed-out, all-in-one take, give this film a try!