Category: Adventure

  • Flow (2024)

    Flow (2024)

    Rating: 4 out of 5.
    (more…)
  • Gladiator II (2024)

    Gladiator II (2024)

    Rating: 2 out of 5.

    I went into this thinking Denzel Washington’s presence alone could save the movie, but I was sorely mistaken. His character’s lack of development was… well, lacking. Honestly, does anyone even understand what his actual motivation was? It felt like the script just skipped over any meaningful explanation.

    In fact, the entire movie suffers from underwhelming character development. The direction rushes through every moment, completely bypassing any emotional weight. The scenes don’t even give you a chance to breathe or reflect on what just happened. It’s all too quick, too shallow, and ultimately unrewarding.

    Even the dialogue falls flat. The monologues feel forced, and the actors seem more focused on ticking off boxes than actually delivering their lines with any real conviction or emotion. There’s no sense of pacing, just a constant rush to get to the next thing.

    And don’t even get me started on the nostalgia attempt. It’s as if they tried so hard to invoke it, but gave barely any time to actually craft a unique story. The corrupt emperor trope is so overdone by now that we didn’t need to see it again. It just felt like a missed opportunity for something fresh or original.

  • Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

    Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

    Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

    Boring, uneventful, and exhaustingly underdeveloped.

    Without a doubt, this is the worst Venom adaptation I’ve seen yet—completely stale and lifeless at every turn. The plot felt like a lost child wandering around Disneyland, clinging to anyone who looked familiar, desperately hoping they’d finally find the right one this time. It just aimlessly stumbles from one place to the next, never finding its footing.

    The subplots? Pointless. They have absolutely no connection to the previous movies, making them feel like filler that shouldn’t even be there. Then there are the overdramatic scenes, shoved down your throat with blaring, corny music in an obvious attempt to force some kind of emotional response. It’s all so try-hard that you can’t help but roll your eyes.

    In the end, it’s just a wasted opportunity—dull, disjointed, and completely forgettable.

  • The Creator (2023)

    The Creator (2023)

    Rating: 2 out of 5.

    The Creator takes a jab at the ever-growing trendy A.I. wagon — but hits a pebble and sends the whole thing hopelessly toppling over like one of those Boston Dynamics dogs if you kicked it down the stairs.

    (more…)
  • Cruella (2021)

    Cruella (2021)

    Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

    The following contains spoilers for Cruella (2021):

    I had the same reaction as everyone else when the first trailer dropped, asking out loud, “Is this what we’re doing now? Which villain is next to get a sympathetic backstory— the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?” No matter how this turned out, it would only reinforce the belief that Hollywood lacks a specific agenda and operates more as a reactive entity driven by recreating past financial successes before anything else. Since Joker raked in more money than anyone anticipated— especially the producers— it only makes sense that Disney would dig into their library for classic villains they could wring some sympathy dollars out of. All condescension toward the premise aside, Cruella is tolerably made compared to its empty-headed edgelord crush, but I say that in the same sense that Those Who Wish Me Dead was tolerable— until you thought about the script, where it was coming from, and who it was even intended for. There’s certainly a more satisfying throughline here, you can tell a lot of work went into where it counts, and it’s even occasionally funny and engrossing. But start asking questions, and the whole affair comes off as hollow— more interested in being the movie it wants to be than what it could have been.

    To summarize the setup: Estella Miller is a child in England with a talent for fashion design and a sharp tongue that leads her mother, Catherine, to nickname her “Cruella.” After getting kicked out of a prestigious school for rebellious behavior, her mother decides to move them to London. On the way, they stop at a wealthy costume party held at a manor, where Catherine leaves Estella in the car for a few minutes. Estella grows impatient and enters the party herself, catching the attention of three guard dogs— you guessed it, Dalmatians. While being chased, Estella sees Catherine asking the host for financial support near a cliffside. Just as Estella thinks she’s about to be caught, the Dalmatians run past her, up to Catherine, and push her off the cliff. Estella immediately blames herself, escapes the manor grounds, and spends the night near a public fountain in London.

    The next morning, she meets Jasper and Horace (her burglar cohorts, in case you don’t remember— I didn’t at first) as kids, and they band together as grifters well into their early 20s (though the cast playing them are all in their 30s— but w/e, recognizable names and all). Dyeing her until-now B&W hair red, Estella takes a job at Liberty department store as a cleaner. A bad day at work leads to a night of overtime and drinking. Growing more and more annoyed by the store’s lack of creativity, Estella takes a literal bag of trash and applies everything she knows to a front window display. The next morning, the display catches the attention of Baroness von Hellman— a haute couture designer with an even sharper tongue and the old money to back it up. She hires Estella as a designer after chastising the store manager, saying the display is better than anything he’s done in a decade. However, Estella’s ladder up to her dream career is complicated when she notices the Baroness wearing a brooch last seen around Catherine’s neck before her death. After the Baroness claims the brooch was stolen by a former employee, Estella, Jasper, and Horace devise a scheme to retrieve it— involving a fake-out robbery during one of the Baroness’s many parties where Estella becomes Cruella, acting as a distraction with one flaming collage dress after another.

    If this is supposed to be the low point of Emma Stone’s career, it’s far more fun than most Oscar-winning performances. She nails her British accent, looks great in the costumes and makeup, and camps nearly every scene when she’s not defaulting to the usual Emma-Stonisms— nervously apologizing and over-thanking the Baroness. While I may be perplexed at how this whole thing cost $100 million, they certainly didn’t skimp on the dresses— some of which made my jaw hit the floor four or five times. Take this as the uncultured praise it may be, but I had big fun seeing Emma Stone turn into a fashionista Harley Quinn, wondering what outfit she’d crash the party with next— though I don’t know anything about fashion, so mark me as easy to impress. The budget likely went to the costumes, the most realistic CGI dogs in any live-action movie to date, and the soundtrack— which, while it has highlights, mainly serves as an indictment of Craig Gillespie’s treatment of music. It’s laden with tired needle drops from front to back, pulling Nina Simone’s Feeling Good out as a boss-bitch anthem like it’s earned the stones to recontextualize that track. Paul Walter Hauser keeps getting better with each film, his accent game isn’t too shabby, and Emma Thompson is having too much fun as the icy, temperamental Baroness on a permanent ego trip.

    The last bit of praise I’ll offer before the spoilers knock down the whole house of cards is that the golden moth egg dress heist is genuinely funny. Making an entire dress out of moth eggs, faking a robbery so it would get locked in a vault— only to unleash a moth fiesta inside— is a satisfying middle finger to an authoritarian. Emma Thompson’s reaction sold the hell out of that moment.

    But the moral chandelier starts to snap when Cruella strolls up with a spotted coat and her cohorts exchange concerned looks. I realized, Oh yeah, we’re not getting away from the dog-killing issue, are we? Thankfully, the costume is a fake-out— but a foreboding one. Later, the Baroness deduces that Estella and Cruella are one and the same, ties up Cruella, Jasper, and Horace, and burns their apartment down— with Cruella threatening to kill her and your dogs as she leaves. Estella barely escapes with help from the Baroness’s valet, John (by the strength of Mark Strong), who reveals that the brooch is a key to a box containing her birth records. Turns out the Baroness was Estella’s biological mother all along— giving her away to Catherine so she could focus on her career (in a flashback that commits the sin of showing me a version of Mark Strong with hair).

    From here, any social, political, or philosophical commentary is tossed out so the script can double down on revenge. The paternal connection twist was predictable, but it’s still a lesser sin than trying to pass off Thomas Wayne as the Joker’s father. Yet the whole thing psyches out my main fear— that Cruella would turn into a dog killer— without addressing what kind of character is left in the absence of that extra sin. Without it, she’s just inherited her mother’s toxicity and talents. Capitalist girlbossing and rainbow virtue-signaling are hollow enough without Disney’s contributions to the neoliberal circlejerk, but this reductive hereditary nonsense blows the whole leg off.

    The further it goes, the harder it is to figure out who this was made for— aside from young girls into black-and-white. Unless this version of Cruella becomes as misunderstood as those who look up to Rick Sanchez and Walter White, I can’t imagine kids sitting through a crime thriller with adults fighting over fashion. It’s not selling any fresh political takes, but at least it doesn’t pretend to— unlike Joker. But in the absence of ideology, what’s left is franchise-padding— buying time before Disney has to remind everyone who this character really becomes. And if that’s not addressed, then I’m left asking the same question I had at the start:

    “Who really is Cruella?”

    2 ½ stars for the performances, costumes, and general digestibility— but overall pointless.

  • Mortal Kombat (2021)

    Mortal Kombat (2021)

    Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

    AD1MZ didn’t even want to write about this when he finished it, so I’ll talk about it instead—though not for long, as there’s not much to dig into here.

    As for anything good, I’d say there are occasional flashes of solid fight choreography for the half of the cast that can actually fight. Unfortunately, the other half—those with speaking roles—mostly come off as Disney Channel rejects. And even when the action is decent, it’s smothered by terrible editing. The wide shots are so far out that they make the characters look like ants in a landscape shot, making their inclusion jarring whether during a fight or a dialogue scene.

    Deliberate campy stupidity can be enjoyable, but it quickly becomes exhausting when there’s nothing to ground the audience. Watching these characters repeatedly let their target run off just so they can fight someone else feels like taking a tour through an Alzheimer’s clinic with orientalist interior design that exclusively treats MMA fighters.

    Part of the reason this isn’t fun to watch (unless you’re already a fan—and even then, there’s plenty here to piss fans off) is that it knows it’s dumb and campy, lifting from a whole library of kung-fu B-movie junk, yet it never elevates that material into something greater. The games’ convoluted timeline may have required a bachelor’s degree in horology to fully understand, but at least the story served as connective tissue between the spectacle fights. If you didn’t care about the lore, you could ignore it and still have fun with the inherent “gaminess” of it all. But when this movie thrusts its nonsensical plot to center stage under the guise of a franchise starter, it’s like watching a comedian laugh at his own jokes before he’s even finished telling them. And they’re all jokes I’ve heard before from better comedians.

    It’s charmless, trash-culture recycling itself over and over. Watching this made me understand how people who don’t care about Tarantino’s inspirations might view his movies—like being force-fed a bunch of things he loves while he directly lifts from his favorites, never converting the uninitiated. And while I don’t personally feel that way about Tarantino, this movie made that perspective easier to grasp. I hope it’s happy for that revelation.

    The biggest frustration is how much of this movie isn’t actually about this movie. It’s just setup for the next one. Normally, this is where I’d say it feels like an extended trailer for a real cut that’s yet to come, but MK2021 barely even bothers with that. Instead, it wastes time rattling off about “prophecies” and “realms,” dumping unnecessary exposition that doesn’t impact the immediate story in any meaningful way. Sure, we get to see Goro—but he comes and goes so quickly, without any introduction to who or what he is. And since practically every character in this franchise, male, female, or otherwise, has the same chiseled, muscular build, you’d think a four-armed brick shithouse would stand out as someone worthy of a bit more backstory. Instead, he’s just another generic henchman.

    If you came into this without prior knowledge of Mortal Kombat, you’d leave knowing just as little as when you started.

    And here’s the rub with the fanboy defense of, “Of course it’s supposed to be bad! That’s what makes it fun!”—if this didn’t have the attachment to an already beloved fighting game franchise with trademark gory finishing moves, what would be left? If not for that M-for-Mature appeal tickling the nostalgia trigger, would there really be a committed fanbase pretending this cartoonish stupidity is “cool” or “fun”? It was never about the story. It was always just a series of tangents we tolerated because we already had the violence and knew there was more coming.

    Speaking of which, the gore in this is surprisingly sparse. The fatalities? Barely there. And they cut the tournament, making me wonder why this wasn’t just called Barney’s Magic Treehouse for all it mattered. The Kung Lao fatality and Jax’s kill were fine, I suppose. The fight between Sub-Zero and Scorpion was decent, considering everything we had to wade through beforehand. But I genuinely thought the main guy in the bronze suit was going to die, go to the Netherrealm, and become the new Scorpion—or his spirit’s next iteration—because at least that would’ve been more interesting than only seeing Scorpion in the intro and then having him fuck off until the last 20 minutes.

    And look, I know it’s a reductive comparison, but credit where it’s due to Paul W.S. Anderson’s Mortal Kombat (1995). Say what you want about that movie—like how most of its goodwill rides on nostalgia rather than objective quality—but at least a non-fan could watch it and still understand what the three main characters wanted and why they were at the tournament. This movie procrastinates from its own titular tournament with useless origin filler, then looks at the clock and says, “Whoops! Guess you’ll have to tune in next time when Shang Tsung… uh… really means it!?”

    There are rumors of executive meddling, and while I’m on the fence about placing blame, I’m also not invested enough in this series to care. I can see the push to Marvel-ize the franchise—pretending to take the canon seriously while telling it poorly—but I doubt that a lack of meddling would’ve fixed the janky editing, generic set design, unrelatable performances, or the general lack of direction. I was dreading Johnny Cage’s introduction, but this movie was so boring that I actually missed that walking meme of a man, just to add some zest to the dreary affair.

    If you enjoyed this, either as a fan or a newcomer, that’s cool. I’d like to find a version of this that I could have fun with someday. Hell, if this had just been Enter the Dragon with well-edited one-on-one fights—doesn’t even need to be groundbreaking, just stop cutting on every hit—with enough gore to make Takashi Miike wonder if he’s getting old, and the classic characters delivering their pun-filled fatality announcements instead of some random background announcer doing it, then I could’ve had fun with it.

    But as it stands?

    ★½ out of 5.

    HBO Max continues to suck the fun out of their releases.

  • Chaos Walking (2021)

    Chaos Walking (2021)

    Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

    Chaos Walking is a dramatic sci-fi built entirely around two half-baked ideas:

    1. What if your thoughts manifested into a weird silk-screened screensaver that floated above your head 24/7 like the world’s most embarrassing Snapchat filter?
    2. What if Fahrenheit 451 and Equilibrium had a bastard child — but the hospital forgot to hand the kid a personality or any meaningful worldbuilding on the way out?
    (more…)
  • Raya and The Last Dragon (2021)

    Raya and The Last Dragon (2021)

    Rating: 3 out of 5.

    Saving the world, again — but this time with a kickass baby, three monkeys, one soup chef, a 12-year-old overgrown man-child, and a My Little Pony enthusiast.

    Raya wasn’t the best thing I’ve seen from Disney, but not the worst. To start 2021 off, this was a disappointment for me. Not only did the animation at points look rushed — clay and/or plastic textures — but the detail Disney has dumped into its movies throughout previous years was simply not here.

    Barely beyond the edge of generic, characters with extremely simple and almost mind-numbing arcs stumble through a story that feels like an excuse to add filler rather than progress anything meaningful. Character traits scarcely change while lessons are being “learned,” and we get to know one thing though — the classic power of friendship defeats all evil.

    Way to go.

    Remember My Little Pony? You’ll get massive nostalgia from this copy-and-paste character design, so no need to worry about children’s appeal. Which, if we’re being honest, the audience for this is definitely younger children. Now, I don’t want to get too much into the depth of the story because I’m sure Southwest Asia — where this film took most of its influence from — has different ways of thinking (duh, that’s what culture is) than the Western world. But that doesn’t mean I have to necessarily like it. (The story, not the culture — calm down.)

    As you can pretty much guess at this point — I didn’t like it.

    I didn’t like the antagonist. I didn’t like the moral ambition to “do good.” I didn’t like the shallow portrayal of honesty. I didn’t like the empty save-the-world mentality of “help thy neighbor.”

    There’s nothing very positive I have to say about this film. It simply lacked everything that would have made it enjoyable. The soundtrack even fell on deaf ears — none of us even remember when it really impacted the film or moved a specific idea or scene forward.

    The so-called complex issues the characters needed to face have been shown so many times before, and it felt like I was just watching a recycled Moana — but this time done by an up-and-coming animation studio trying to capitalize on a marketable copy. To be real, they felt like petty drama if nothing else. Sure, this is a metaphor for our broken society — that we all have to work together to achieve blah blah blah —

    But come on, Disney.

    Children get these moral values fed to them through TV and other influential propaganda they eat up all day being this heavily exposed to media outlets. Doing something original would have been so much more interesting — and rewarding — for the viewer. Now, all you turnips who are gonna say something like “Oh, this is for kids, why are you so high-strung about it?” — just… perish. You all know damn well Disney is not only for kids, and the films they release are not only for kids.

    I enjoyed that every female character was a strong, independent woman who could handle it all — but didn’t like the sting in the back of my throat that the guys were, well — dull, stupid brutes, or simply irrelevant. Besides the obvious exception of her father, the rest of the male cast was comedic relief — or at best there to push a narrative for a few seconds.

    Going back to my problems with the animation and art direction:

    • Mountain texture felt flat.
    • The render felt rushed.
    • The water in certain scenes felt looped and unfinished.
    • Wave foam looked like it was fuzz.
    • Transitions felt unplanned and thrown in.
    • Quips in dialogue were clunky and unneeded.
    • Comedic banter was cringe and meaningless — it did nothing to develop a character more than we already understood.
    • Particle effects and atmospheric VFX were almost non-existent until the end of the film when things finally started happening.
    • Facial animations weren’t even on par with what I’ve seen from indie companies.
    • Bone structure was extremely minimalistic and bubble-like.
    • Jawlines didn’t exist, and curvature around areas of the face was ignored completely.
    • Bone rigging within the face when emotion was being portrayed did not look like it was properly reviewed.

    Well, this has been your neighborhood review man, and this — well, this kinda sucked.

  • Soul (2020)

    Soul (2020)

    Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

    A marvelous combination of inspiration, self-realization — and most importantly — jazz.

    Soul is the journey of life. Not the kind where you venture off into the mountains to find enlightenment with some half-baked guru… but now that I say that, maybe it is. (Don’t worry, that’ll make more sense once you watch the film.)

    Disney’s been on a streak of pumping out visuals with deeper meanings wrapped up in soft, feel-good packages — but this one hits a little different. It tackles that gnawing existential question we all shove to the back of our minds: What am I here for?

    Joe (Jamie Foxx) is a middle-aged jazz musician who’s been stuck teaching uninspired middle schoolers while waiting for his big break. His passion for music is undeniable — but his reality? Not so much. The way he lights up when talking about that one magical performance he saw as a kid says more about him than any dialogue could. But let’s be real — teaching pre-teens how to butcher jazz scales isn’t exactly the dream.

    Joe finally gets his shot at playing with Dorothea (Angela Bassett), one of his jazz idols — and just when it seems like life is finally aligning… he dies.

    Yup.

    Straight into the Great Beyond.

    But this isn’t Coco or some teary-eyed Pixar blueprint — the movie flips the script. Joe’s soul ends up in the Great Before — a whimsical waiting room where unborn souls find their spark before heading to Earth. And this is where we meet 22 (Tina Fey) — a little ball of cynical nothingness who’s been floating around for centuries, completely uninterested in living.

    22 is everyone who’s ever asked: What’s the point?

    What makes Soul so refreshing is that it doesn’t serve up the typical “follow your dreams” nonsense. Instead, it hits you with the reality that maybe your purpose isn’t something grand or world-shattering — maybe it’s just… living.

    Joe thinks his life has no meaning without music — and that kind of obsession is something a lot of us can relate to. But the film gently unravels that idea, showing that purpose isn’t always tied to what you do — sometimes it’s just about appreciating the little moments. A slice of pizza. The warmth of sunlight. The way the world sounds when you just… listen.

    The animation? Beautiful. The jazz sequences are pure liquid movement — fluid, vibrant, hypnotic. The soul world — designed with geometric abstraction — gives off this weird mix of comfort and unsettling detachment, like you’re floating in some cosmic therapist’s office.

    Soul reminds us that we aren’t just here to make the world go round but rather enjoy and admire that it does and be content we can experience such a thing. 

    Along the way, Joe begins to realize this isn’t only HIS journey but something much bigger than just his wants. 

    Influencing a passion or a goal not yet established. 

    Touching a soul- a life yet to live. 

  • Into The Woods (2014)

    Into The Woods (2014)

    Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

    Disney takes you back into Jack and the Beanstalk, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, and Rapunzel—all at the same time. But this time, it’s …a little different.

    (more…)